idle musings

There’s a snark forum I belong to, which had something posted a few days ago that had to do with a 31 year old trans* man sleeping with a 16 year old cis girl. (This actually happened in the states somewhere – there was an article or something.) Anyway, there was a comparison made by someone that not being informed that your partner was trans prior to sex meant that it equalled rape.

I posted that I did not think it was rape but if I were to be getting intimate with someone for the first time and came across genitalia that I was not expecting, I would be upset and it does bring up a question of informed consent to me. (To disclose, I am not interested in getting up and personal with anyone’s vagina, my own excluded.) I was called transphobic and a bigot because apparently I was making judgments as to when trans* people should disclose their status. My point was merely that since I don’t want to get up and personal with any vag, I would be startled and upset if I were suddenly to come upon one where I was not expecting it.

Thoughts? Does this make me bigoted and transphobic? I try very hard to not be either of those things, although I know how ignorant I am about trans* issues and usually keep quiet in any discussion that touches on them since I am trying to learn and not expect anyone to educate me. But I don’t see how my sexual preference for penis and not vag makes me a bigot.

I have gotten out of the habit of blogging, which is unfortunate because I do like to go back and read older entries and remember things previously forgotten.

Things are changing, and for the better. I am back at work after taking three months off to get myself sorted out and destressed. I am working at a new store in Maple Ridge which has been awesome so far. It does double the sales that my previous store did, and it is really great to be back in a high paced environment. I have stepped down from store manager to shift supervisor to allow myself time to get through my pre-reqs for the AHT program and to allow for a better balance between work and non-work.

I chose a store in Maple Ridge because I wanted to move further away from the city, closer to the country which is where I would eventually like to end up. Current dream home looks like a small two bedroom one bathroom home on a couple of acres. What I’m ‘settling’ for is a three bedroom 2.5 bathroom townhouse in Maple Ridge that has a securely fenced in postage stamp of a yard for Maia. I am so excited by the idea of her being able to pee without necessitating me getting fully dressed every single time!

Also, the dykes in Pitt Meadows will only be about ten minutes drive from the new house. They are the only place that I feel comfortable letting Maia off leash and I love going up there for walks. I have made friends with some other ‘crazy dog ladies’ and we do a walk once a week or more. Two or three or four women – anywhere from four to eleven dogs. It’s madness but a kind that I like.

Slowly but surely I feel like I am getting my life on track to a place that fits. Doing grade 12 biology is showing me how much I love to use my brain, and how little of it I actually use at my current job. Going through the two years of school to become an AHT is looking a lot less scary and a lot more enticing now that I know that science is not beyond me. Moving out of the city is a huge step – I’m a North Van kid and we tend to stay planted on the North Shore. But I feel the wide open spaces of the country calling me, so long as I have the mountains there as well to ground me. I thought I needed to live near the water but I now realize that what I need is space and mountains and dogs.

Maia continues to be the love of my life. I have worked hard at teaching Look at That (from ‘Control Unleashed’ by Leslie McDevitt) to keep her human reactivity down to a minimum. We are starting to see some success and even some generalization of this skill towards other things. Agility is a blast and while I will never be a competitive person and don’t see myself trialling anytime in near future, it is something fun to do with Maia and other like-minded doggy people.  At some point I would like to add Rally-O to the mix as well but that will have to wait until I have more money and more time.

Long story short – at the age of 30 I am figuring out what I want and going after it. I am (mostly) not letting my anxiety stand in my way. I am content with where I am and where I am going.

How to cuddle an elephant seal:

I grinned all the way through.

If I were a month, I’d be September.
If I were a day of the week, I’d be Sunday.
If I were a time of day, I’d be twilight.
If I were a planet, I’d be Neptune.
If I were a sea animal, I’d be a seal.

If I were a direction, I’d be north.
If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a squashy comfortable couch.
If I were a liquid, I’d be water.
If I were a gemstone, I’d be an opal.
If I were a tree, I’d be a cherry.

If I were a tool, I’d be scissors.
If I were a flower, I’d be a tulip.
If I were a kind of weather, I’d be a cool, crisp Autumn evening with the smell of woodfires in the air.
If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a violin.
If I were a colour, I’d be purply-blue.

If I were an emotion, I’d be joy.
If I were a fruit, I’d be a ripe nectarine.
If I were a sound, I’d be a cat’s purr.
If I were an element, I’d be Water.
If I were a vehicle, I’d be a Smart Car.

If I were a food, I’d be baba ghanouj.
If I were a place, I’d be the middle of a forest.
If I were a material, I’d be cotton.
If I were a taste, I’d be tart like a granny smith apple.
If I were a scent, I’d be cinnamon.

~ stolen from Sabrarosa, along with a few of her answers

Day 2 of volunteer teching. I watched a dog spay, two dentals, and a flush out of a jaw wound. I also drunk a lot of tea, snuggled the office cat, and snorgled the English Springer who was in for the spay. She was just so lovely, and those spaniel eyes … they kill me! I may possibly have started researching different spaniel lines and may possibly have discovered Welsh Springer spaniels and now may possibly want one. Maybe.

First, I roll on the spot.

Then I dig a hole.

I know it’s big enough when I can fit my head.

And then, my job done, I rest.

It’s a tough life, being me.

Today was my first day of volunteering at a vet clinic. (I have to log 80 hours as part of the application for the Animal Health Technician program.) I am doing my first three days at my own vet’s clinic, as the doctor there is a neighbour to my parents and has known me forever.

I got to do so much today!

I watched:

• a cat spay – I thought there would be more blood but there was hardly any
• dentistry on a cat – teeth cleaning and the removal of a fang
• two abscesses drained, one cat and one dog – lots of pus and blood but not gross at all. However, the same thing on humans would make me feel a little nauseous.
• a cat being euthanized – the cat had cardiomyalgia which means the walls of the heart were too thick. In this case, over twice as thick as is normal. I know this because I also got to watch the autopsy and dissection of the heart.
• anaesthesia being administered to all these animals through use of gas
• x-rays being taken

I got to do all by myself:

• pulling antibiotics into a syringe to the correct dosage
• administer antibiotic shots to two cats
• develop an x-ray
• take a cat’s temperature – yes, anally

I also hung over the shoulder of the two women who work there as they answered the phone, took appointments, explained medications, filled out charts, entered billing information, etc. Brenda has worked in the industry for about 20 years and when she started, there were no programs. One just learned on the job. Based on her experience, I would call her a tech. Cody took the six-month program to be qualified as an office assistant specifically for veterinary practises but because this is a small clinic, she has learned all sorts of things that she would not have been exposed to if she worked in an office that had more of a separation between techs and support staff. Both Brenda and Cody are totally awesome and made me feel welcome.

I am looking forward to going back on Tuesday and seeing how much information stuck in my brain, as there was a lot going on today and it was all totally different from anything I have ever done before. That said, I loved it, and I can see myself doing this job.

I’ve had Maia for 9 months, and while sometimes I feel like there’s been no improvement, I know that’s not true. *I* have learned her triggers and her body language and most of the time can head her off before she decides to bark or lunge at anyone.

Today, though, I got to see just how much improvement there has been. I was in one of the soon-to-be tennis courts so that I could let Maia off leash, play some fetch, and do some basic training outside where there are distractions. Three guys came into the adjoining court that is only separated by a chain link fence from where we were, and started playing ball hockey. Maia ran at the fence and barked and did her “I’m actually really scary” lunge up and down but she came away when I called her.

Let me just say that again for emphasis. She left the scary situation and came to me on the other side of the court when I called her.

I decided to use this wonderful distraction so we worked on sit-stays and down-stays. We started way on the other side, then moved to about the halfway point, and then ended up only about eight feet from the fence. I had Maia sitting or lying so that she was facing the guys, who were yelling at each other, bashing their sticks around, and hitting balls against the separating fence.

Not only did she have her attention focused on me almost the entire time, just taking the occasional glance at the boys, she also only broke her stay once and that was my fault for giving her conflicting information. I am so proud of my special-needs dog! I am convinced that going to agility classes is contributing to the big leap forward in her ability to watch me and listen to what I want, and then to actually do it.

Today I ran the dishwasher, did two loads of laundry, took Maia to Spanish Banks, and managed not to nap. I think I will chalk today up in the ‘success’ column.