T: She’s a female. He’s a male.
T: She’s ugly like tomorrow.
Lisa liked this one – T: Don’t be pessimistic but don’t be too optimistic. Just remember that the bottle is in the fridge and you can get more.
T: Don’t forget you have a disadvantage. You’re stoned.
T: If I ever feel like I’m going to get fired, I’m going to show up drunk at work. That way I can say I’m an addict and they can’t fire me. I’ll have a disadvantage!
T’s brain talking to the rest of him: We go into a sub system and the brain says that if I won’t stop drinking, then we will go to sleep. And if we wet ourself, that’s not really my problem.
T: That’s what I want for my birthday. A couple bottles of Tequila and a super-sized adult diaper.
T: If I’m differently abled then I get one of those parking passes!