Words of wisdom

T: She’s a female. He’s a male.

T: She’s ugly like tomorrow.

Lisa liked this one – T: Don’t be pessimistic but don’t be too optimistic. Just remember that the bottle is in the fridge and you can get more.

T: Don’t forget you have a disadvantage. You’re stoned.

T: If I ever feel like I’m going to get fired, I’m going to show up drunk at work. That way I can say I’m an addict and they can’t fire me. I’ll have a disadvantage!

T’s brain talking to the rest of him: We go into a sub system and the brain says that if I won’t stop drinking, then we will go to sleep. And if we wet ourself, that’s not really my problem.

T: That’s what I want for my birthday. A couple bottles of Tequila and a super-sized adult diaper.

T: If I’m differently abled then I get one of those parking passes!

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3 Responses to Words of wisdom

  1. Anonymous says:

    I protest, don’t be pessimistic but don’t be too optimistic is what !I! said.

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