The new poll question is:


For you personally, is sex …

a) always about power

b) never about power

c) sometimes about power but not necessarily

This can encompass relationships, casual sex, one night stands, making love … whatever and however you interpret sex. And, of course, I am interested to know why you chose your answer.

Oh, and just to clarify that I’m not necessarily talking about “power exchange” in a BDSM sense, although it can encompasses this.

I’ll give my answer after there are a couple comments. 🙂

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27 Responses to The new poll question is:

  1. kinky_tink says:


    I thought it was about fucking…orgasms. Feeling good.

    Did I get on the wrong train? Cuz that’s why I have sex.

  2. c-Its about power if your in that type of relationship?
    for me–its about pleasure
    Sometimes girls have the power-sometimes guys
    Depends on the personality types of the people

  3. arwenoid says:

    Not really. For me, it’s just about fun. 🙂

    Even in an S&M sense… the power exchange is only there to make it fun.

  4. Erin says:

    My answer is “a”

    Always, always, always about power. Whether it’s an S&M power exchange or I’m giving up power in some way or I’m taking power in some way or I’m being given power in some way … the power flow is always affected by me having sex.

    So I was curious to know if I’m in the minority in terms of viewing it this way.

    (This is also why my life is so much easier when I’m celibate. *sigh*)

  5. dekucat says:

    I don’t think sex is necessarily about power for most people, but I do know power play of some sort is an intrinsic part of sex for me.

  6. kinky_tink says:

    I”m just being cheeky.
    No one needs to get laid.
    Hmmm Maybe just me. 😉

    Ok, I’ll be serious now.

    I believe sex is about power when that’s what you (or the other person/people) make it to be about. Some woman may think she’s showing her power by seducing a man, while the guy’s just getting his jollies off regardless of her reasons why.
    people choose to have sex for a whole slough of varying and sometimes contradictory reasons: pleasure, self-esteem, pity, companionship, health, FUN, and of course sometimes…to show power.

    So…C…but I don’t like the wording.

    • arwenoid says:

      that sounds much better for me, too. note to self: when one cannot find the words, ask the english teacher who needs to get laid. 😉

    • Erin says:

      I think *you* were getting too deep into my question. I wasn’t asking about power to the exclusion of everything else. I don’t have sex *just* to affect the power flow – sometimes, even though I know it will happen, it’s just an unfortunate side-effect.

      I have vanilla friends who don’t have any kind of power exchange in any shape or form when they have sex. (At least, none that they have consciously noticed.) I was curious to know with my kinky friends if they felt the same, since I very clearly do not. I have never had sex without afterwards feeling the flow of power be different. You’ll notice I said *afterwards* – this is not a BDSM type of “Me Dom, you sub” type thing. It’s much more subtle than that.

      So I absolutely agree with you that people have sex for varying reasons, and multiple reasons, and maybe both parties aren’t aware of all of their partner’s reasons every single time. But that wasn’t my question. 🙂

      With this added explanation, does “c” fit a little better now? Not taking anything away from anything else, but yes, sometimes power plays a part in your sex life?

  7. ysworld says:


    Sex = Power

    My boobs have gotten me places, maybe even hired a few times, although I am an intelligent woman, and pride myself in it, I also know my sex gives me power, it is an assest, I say use it. Some my disagree with that…but it took Madonna places..

    When you come across a man that wants to get laid or thinks about getting laid by you…you have some f’kn power…the more you give it to them the less power you have…

    Thats my theory …

    • Erin says:

      Re: Hmmm

      It’s not quite as simple as that, for me. Definitely I’ve lost power by having sex with some men, but others I’ve gained it. I usually have a pretty good idea ahead of time which way the switch will go, and evaluate my decision to have sex based on that.

      Because, after all, with one notable exception, men don’t really get me off in bed. I can do much better alone, thanks anyway. So the other reasons for having sex are much larger for me than simply pleasure or having an orgasm.

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