idle musings

The last few days, I have been trying to eat by following my body – stopping and listening to it, whether I am hungry or actually thirsty, whether I want junk food or veggies, etc. I’ve been drinking a ton more water since I started doing this, and also a lot of tea and hardly any coffee. It’s partially because I have to get to my chiropractor because my IBS is acting up again, and coffee is a no-go food for me when I’m having flare-ups, but it’s also that I really enjoy tea. Coffee is a habit but tea feels like an indulgence.

At lunch with my dad yesterday at Earls, I looked at the menu and decided what to have. The thought of a burger and fries sounded delicious on my tastebuds, but when I thought about it for awhile, I realized that the thought of grease was very unappetizing. I got a caesar salad (which I had mentioned in the car I wanted but almost got sidetracked by the thought of fries) and the chicken quesadilla. I almost didn’t get the quesadilla because I thought it would be too small and I’d still be hungry, but then I told myself that if that was the case, I could eat later. That is okay. That is allowed.

It turned out to be the right amount of food. I was satisfied when I finished eating it – full but not stuffed. And I felt good because I hadn’t eaten something I didn’t want. It had nothing to do with calories or fat (after all, cheese, sour cream, and caesar dressing are all on diet no-no lists) but rather about what would make me satisfied.

This is an interesting concept for me – to listen to what I want. For a year I was restricting myself to only foods that were “good” for me (as in, low in points but also usually low in taste, fat, and enjoyment). Then, once I stopped WW, I tried to eat the world. I have been eating a lot of bread and a lot of chips to make up for the year that I didn’t eat them but wanted to oh so badly. Now I am at a stage where I want to stop and think and feel before choosing food. I want to enjoy what I’m eating and enjoy how I feel. I don’t know if I’m so-called ‘normal’ or just lucky that a lot of the time, what I want are veggies in various forms.

Tonight I had stirfry for dinner. I was going to put some meat in it but I had left it in the fridge for too long and it looked dodgy, so I threw it out and made my stirfry vegetarian. It was delicious. I haven’t had a large helping of vegetables like that in a long time. I stopped eating stirfries when I was doing WW because I like to use the quick-cook noodles (you know the kind – you drop ‘em in boiling water for one minute and they’re done) and a 3/4  cup serving was about 3 points. When you only get 22 points a day, 3 points is a lot. So I stopped eating stirfries and stopped eating veggies as often. That is the kind of fucked up reasoning that I was absorbing from WW. Like the noodles were so bad that they could magically counteract the goodness of the veggies and lean meat that were also on my plate? Yeah. Tonight I had a stirfry (with noodles) and I revelled in every bite. It was exactly what I wanted.

And, without meaning to, I completed an ongoing goal for my 101 list: #80 eat four vegetarian dinners per month. I almost had a full vegetarian day but I realized that the two pieces of pepperoni on my pizza kept me from that. Still, it was easier than expected, and I’m looking forward to trying some new veggie recipes in the next couple of years.

Tags: 101 in 1001