idle musings

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Everybody carries a kingdom in their head.

He’d had no expectations, coming here. How could he, being so ignorant about this place until only a few days before? He had stepped inside the first of the triple walls with no hesitations, feeling like a General ahead of his troops. Familiar ground in the beginning.

The outer ring seemed well populated although not overwhelmingly so. There were a few brawls he witnessed but nothing concerning him. No yet. And the beauty! Flowers and buildings and statues, all placed with an eye to the whole. A place meant to overwhelm and overawe.

The gates through the second wall were wide open and soon, soon, after one day? Or two? He lost track how quickly he moved into the middle circle. Felt like the city was welcoming him home, here.

There were a few more cracks in the veneer here, this place one had to be invited to. Only the upper class had free access. The cracks, chinks in the armour, gave personality to what one realized was a façade in the outer ring. Beauty and wealth to show to strangers but … lived in, here. He helped where he could, shoring up walls, replacing broken windows (… broken dreams …).

And then, after no time at all, or perhaps an eternity, the last gates opened and beckoned him through. This inner sanctum, seen by only a precious few, terrified him. What had once been beautiful was overlain with a layer of ash, dirt, grime that would only be removed by elbow grease and love. Walls had fallen but one could see what it used to look like, and what it should be, if it were not broken. With his vision he tried but the grimness wore him down. The smallest of areas he had made shine but the voices of bitter pasts echoed to him in the silent courtyards and porticoes of this once beautiful city.

One day it became too much and he fled, running through all the rings to escape into the wide-open countryside, with nothing to pin him down except his own thoughts.

The gates were open in his wake, trusting he would come back. He had tried but … after a time the trust fled too. The innermost gates slammed shut, bolted and padlocked from within, the one shining area avoided until it gradually fell into disrepair again.

The middle gates closed too and were guarded during daylight hours against intruders. One must declare oneself to get past or be turned away.

The gates in the outer wall swung shut but didn’t latch, the common people being ever hopeful of one who would come, who would come back. They kept their ring beautiful, clean, prosperous, showing the best face to the world.

The man often wished he had returned but never did. The vision of restoration was immense and at heart he was a man with smaller dreams, needing smaller successes to bring him to happiness.

The city continued, as cities do, with births and deaths and commerce and trade.

The man continued, as men do, with a wife, and children, joy and death.

We each of us carry a kingdom in our heads and sometimes we find someone to live in the innermost circle of our being.

Sometimes, we are not so lucky.