Shopping scars
July 9, 2008Erin 8 Comments »If I had thought ahead a little bit, I would have realized that shopping today would be full of fail. I cannot ever find anything that I like when I need it for a certain event or by a certain time. I am going to a wedding on Saturday afternoon and I wanted something summery and floaty. It’s the beginning of July – surely there are still summery and floaty garments out there?
Well, there were. Only there was nothing, nothing, that fit me properly. And since discovering FA, I refuse to buy anything that doesn’t make me feel like a million bucks when I put it on. It is not my job to conform my body to the clothes; I need to find clothes that fit my body. And today was full of fail.
I’m coming to terms with being a size that common stores do not carry. Being sedentary for the past four months and now being on my magic happy pill have meant that I am teetering somewhere between a 14 and a 16, and the stores that I used to shop at tend to stop at 14, if they carry that size at all. I have found a few stores that carry large sizes but now it’s the opposite problem – they do not always carry a 14 because it is their smallest size. I’m caught in the middle. Or, I was, but now like I said, I’m teetering into being a 16.
That in and of itself is no problem. I don’t really care what size I am, so long as I am healthy and happy. I’m getting the mental health back on track and waiting patiently until January to get my physical health back on track. Good.
What is the problem is the shape of my body. No, wait, let’s rephrase that. What is the problem is the fashion industry has yet to figure out that not all women are proportioned the same. All my weight goes to my stomach. I look pregnant in a lot of outfits. It’s bloody frustrating. I see beautiful fat women wearing beautiful fat clothes, and I know that those same clothes would look hideous on me because of my small(er) boobs and my large(r) stomach. No hourglass figure for me.
I went to four stores today and I ended up with one skirt which I do quite like, but it is definitely not summery and floaty. It is black with a large white flower pattern on it. I wanted something with colour but everything I tried on made me feel like a blob, so I went with my basic black and white, and hopefully I will not look like the undertaker at the wedding.
*sigh*
One step forward, one step back with body acceptance. Intellectually I believe one thing, but emotionally I am thinking something completely different when in the change room, taking off yet another piece of clothing that makes me feel like a reject of society because of my fat.
My response was to come home and lie naked on my bed, feeling the warmth of the sunshine and the softness of my duvet against my skin. I do not feel hideous when I am nude – I feel voluptuous and sexy. It is only when I cover that same body up that I feel fat.
Tags: body acceptance
Posted on July 9th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
I feel your pain. No matter what size I am, I’m rectangular. Clothes tend not to suit rectangular people. I look… well, rectangular. no matter what. Blah.
stupid fashion.
Posted on July 10th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
I think it is especially hard for people to shop with an agenda. The day you go looking for the perfect pair of jeans, they are nowhere in sight, the day you go for a bathing suit nothing is right. But sometimes, when you stop looking and least expect it, the right stuff just *appears*
Posted on July 10th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Have you checked out the Victoria’s Secret Clothing online? They don’t have stores that you can walk into and try stuff on in but their return policy is really good as a result.
A lot of their stuff suits your style, and fits the description of “floaty and summery”. Look at their summer dresses section, especially the “7-in-1 curvy jersey dress” – that would look HOT on you, especially with the sporty cross-strap back (the 3rd option) . or the Knot-front curvy jersey dress – that would solve your boobage issue and draw attention away from your midsection.
The nice thing about ordering from a catalogue is you’re pretty much on equal ground as everyone else who orders from them, no one has tried it on and therefore probably have the same trepidations about the item fitting. And their sizes seem flexible.
Posted on July 10th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
* By the way I meant your self-described “small(er)” boobage issue. I personally think your boobs are great. haha.
Posted on July 10th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
Thanks for the idea, Nicole. I’ll check it out.
Posted on July 11th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
I know what you mean. I also carry a lot of my weight in my belly and finding clothes that fit and make me feel sexy is hard to do sometimes. My body is not the same shape as someone who is a size 2 (and 14 years old with no hips or tits).
Posted on July 11th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
One word: tailor.
It’s a challenge to change your overall shopping mentality and strategy, but I know writing off most clothing lines, buying quality pieces and getting most of those tailored has made all the difference in how I feel about clothes.
It won’t change things overnight and isn’t cheap (so it’s a long, slow process to update and revamp a wardrobe) – but it’s so, so worth it.
Posted on August 25th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
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