Thanking Maude I’m single

First Valentine’s Day, and now Steak and blowjob day? Give me a fucking break.

First, it plays on the idea that Valentine’s Day is all about the wimmenz, what with the men being forced to show appreciation for their girlfriend or wife by buying her cheap tacky shit or clichéd flowers or chocolate. It plays on the idea that men will only show appreciation for their girlfriends or wives when they are forced to do so by society, and it creates this lovely mentality that women can be bought by the above mentioned cheap tacky shit/chocolate/flowers and therefore will have sex.

Ugh.

And then, because Valentine’s Day is so fucking hard for men, what with it being all about the wimmenz and all, they now want a day ‘all about them’, wherein they get steak and blowjobs. Steak, because ‘real’ men eat meat, and blowjobs, because let’s face it, ‘all men think about is sex’ and this is an awesome way to make the wimmenz feel obligated to show just how much they ‘appreciate’ their men by giving it up.

Both completely ignore the idea of any kind of relationship that does not fit into the hetero mold, and both ignore the concept that healthy adult relationships should involve making one’s SO feel appreciated more than just once a year, and not only because society said you have to.

I’ll pass, thanks.

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7 Responses to Thanking Maude I’m single

  1. Nicole says:

    The funny thing is that people who would actually engage in the bullshit qualities of holidays like this are just proving that they really do NOT have a meaningful relationship in the first place.

  2. donna says:

    Or… there are people who don’t need the excuse, but who’ll do it because it’s fun and why not? I had a fabulous valentines day snowshoeing & eating fondue with my boyfriend, and who cares if it’s a cliche? We had a fabulous time, no matter how “tacky” anyone else thinks it was.

    I also bought my mom flowers and my sister chocolate. Yeah, I’m sure going to hell for wanting to do something nice for the people I love.

    Who says steak & blowjob day is all about the men? Fuck Nick, I’m celebrating steak & blowjob day because *I* like steak & blowjobs about as much as he does.

    You can take it over-seriously and be unnecessarily negative about it, or you can just have fun with it and do your own thing — I’ll be choosing the latter. And anyone who says my relationship isn’t “meaningful” because I chose to spoil my partner a bit on Feb 14th, and vice versa can piss off. You’re not in my relationship, you don’t get to make those judgments.

    Valentines day isn’t about doing something because you HAVE to, it’s because you WANT to. If you have to, well, I’m not so crazy about that. I like a little more choice in my relationships.

    Yes, it’s a hallmark holiday. Who cares? No, I don’t need an excuse to do something nice/buy a gift for my partner, and we tend to spoil each other a bit most of the time. Yes, I’ll take the excuse anyway, because it’s fun, and why not? What I do in my relationship shouldn’t affect anybody else.

    Don’t celebrate if you don’t want to — hell, Nick was almost going to be out of town for V-day, and that would have been just fine as well — but try not to piss all over people who do… in return, I won’t care if someone *doesn’t* partake. Wear black in protest, whatever… but try not to spoil it for people who just want to have a good time.

    Incidentally — S&B day isn’t new by any stretch. I vaguely recall buying my ex fiance steak in march, and that was …god, 9 years ago? I’ve also never felt “left out” of valentines day (or S&B day) just because I was in queer relationships, either. There’s no sign on Valentines Day (or S&B Day) that says “het people only”. Even when I was single, I never understood the point of hating on V-day. If you want to, go out and have fun. If you don’t, don’t. How hard is that?

  3. erin says:

    If you’re doing it because it’s fun, good on you. You don’t need a reason. Me – I love steak and blowjobs. I also love getting flowers and (sometimes) eating chocolate. It’s more about how the days are presented.

    And can I just say – I don’t think that venting about something on my blog is really pissing on anyone else. Did I call you out for having a great Valentines with Nick? Absolutely not. I thought that snowshoeing and a picnic sounded like a fantastic way to spend the day. Also, fairly certain that I did not make any statements regarding ‘meaning’, and I am not judging your relationship. Want to cool it a bit with the judgement yourself?

    The way Valentines Day is presented in our culture reinforces some serious stereotypes and it irritates me. Sometimes, I’m going to talk about shit like that here. Deal.

  4. donna says:

    The “meaningful” thing was in response to your other commenter, not you.

  5. Nicole says:

    I just want to say that I did specify that I disagree with the ***Bullshit qualities of Valentines day *** which include completely meaningless demonstrations of superficial affection which conform to social expectations. I did not say that I disagree with Valentines day as a whole, however that is what you chose to read. I believe Erin was also very specific about what she disagrees with without making blanket statements.

    I made a lovely breakfast for my boyfriend’s whole family with champagne on Valentines, because it was Valentines, and because I love them and what the hey, it was fun. I do believe Valentines day has some nice qualities, I just hate the hype and social conformity involved. I don’t like feeling like I *should* do anything but I can also shrug and decide for myself what Valentines Day can mean for me.

    I don’t think snowshoeing and fondue is a cliché. I think it is romantic and original. In fact, I would have gone to Seymour and done the exact same thing if I didn’t have to slave over the grill cooking copious amounts of steak for the ppl who decided follow the masses and combine Valentine’s and Steak and BJ day into one.

    And I seriously doubt that your mom or sister *expected* to get gifts, therefore you are not conforming to a social expectation.

    And Erin way to go for zeroing in on Valentines being all about the womenz – I don’t want my boyfriend to show me love because he feels obligated to. If he chooses to love me and show me that love then I will want to be with him. If he only showed me love because he felt obligated to (for example, ONLY buying me flowers on Valentines) then he would not be my boyfriend.I also have a responsibility to him.

    Valentines = jacked up prices, excessive consumption of material goods, insincere demonstrations of love according to the social norm, etc. It can set ppl up for disappointment and provide a source of angst for single and taken people, alike.

    Valentines can also = a nice holiday that reminds us to show each other love and affection and *mutual* appreciation. It can be a fulfilling experience that validates the connection between people who share values and affection with one another.

    Good post Erin!

  6. Rachel says:

    Right on. I totally agree with you, and am also just fine with people having fun with it if they want to. I certainly enjoy the cinnamon hearts!

    Another thing that bugs me about it, though, is that single people are *expected* to hate it and feel angst. When none of the single people I know give a rat’s ass about it!

    In Japan Valentine’s Day actually is for girls to give gifts to boys. And then on March 14th it’s “White Day”, which is when boys give gifts to girls. Presumably to the ones that gave THEM gifts. And Christmas is a “romantic holiday.” Japan!

  7. V says:

    So far I (technically female) haven’t had a single V-day in which I’ve actually been the focus of the day. The most enjoyable one I’ve ever had was a Single Girls Appreciation Day on which I invited my closest single female friends over and cooked for them. Otherwise, the whole woman-centric nature of the holiday has managed to completely bypass me — I’ve been the one disproportionately lavishing attention and gifts (well, that I can afford) on my (mostly) male partners.

    I wouldn’t mind getting back some of that holiday karma at some point.

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