One of the things that I am learning, slowly, is that it is okay for me to not want to interact with toxic people, or passive aggressive people, or mean people, or people who are unwilling to respect my boundaries, regardless of whether they believe them to be valid. It’s thanks to people like Melissa and Kate, and all the others who write at their fabulous sites, who are showing me that I can choose for myself who is a part of my life and who is not.
I’m reflecting on this after the weekend I just spent camping with a few people I used to know quite well, a few more that I knew casually but have not seen in months if not years, a few people I did not know at all before the weekend, and one person whom I would call a friend. I have come home from that camping trip with a desire to get to know a few people better (although I’m not sure how realistic that is) and the desire to not have to spend even one second in the company of a few others. And that’s okay – I do not have to befriend the world. Although I do tend to give people the benefit of the doubt in regards to their actions, I do not have to waste any time finding out if I was correct or not. I can close the door to that person or persons and chalk it up to different beliefs, different ways of viewing the world, different ways of expressing oneself.
I’m proud of myself for going, because it showed me that I have come a long way since last year in regards to my anxiety. But I think I will probably not go again, unless it is with a much smaller group comprised of only those with whom I feel at least some connection. It’s stressful to deal with people one does not want to deal with, and with everything else that is causing me stress at the moment, wasting even one second thinking about people whom I do not wish to interact with is a waste of time and resources.
Feminism is what has helped show me that I do not have to appease the world at the expense of myself. Here are my boundaries.