Originally published at idle musings. Please leave any comments there.

There’s a snark forum I belong to, which had something posted a few days ago that had to do with a 31 year old trans* man sleeping with a 16 year old cis girl. (This actually happened in the states somewhere – there was an article or something.) Anyway, there was a comparison made by someone that not being informed that your partner was trans prior to sex meant that it equalled rape.

I posted that I did not think it was rape but if I were to be getting intimate with someone for the first time and came across genitalia that I was not expecting, I would be upset and it does bring up a question of informed consent to me. (To disclose, I am not interested in getting up and personal with anyone’s vagina, my own excluded.) I was called transphobic and a bigot because apparently I was making judgments as to when trans* people should disclose their status. My point was merely that since I don’t want to get up and personal with any vag, I would be startled and upset if I were suddenly to come upon one where I was not expecting it.

Thoughts? Does this make me bigoted and transphobic? I try very hard to not be either of those things, although I know how ignorant I am about trans* issues and usually keep quiet in any discussion that touches on them since I am trying to learn and not expect anyone to educate me. But I don’t see how my sexual preference for penis and not vag makes me a bigot.

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