I got an email on FB from a girlfriend of mine, about the new meme going around – women post what they drink and it’s code for their relationship status! And it’s supposed to help support breast cancer! Or something!

I’m irritated over it for a number of reasons.

First, I don’t define myself by my relationship status or lack of it. The options were: single, touch and go, engaged, in a relationship, married, the “other one”, can’t find the right partner, single but with friends that won’t stop partying, wishes she was single, or wants to get married. Technically and legally I’m single, but that word brings so much baggage with it, especially as a woman in my 30s. I am alone and I am happy with it. Unless something drastically changes in my personality makeup, or I meet a guy who actually is perfect, I imagine I will be alone/single/unmarried etc. By choice. Because I understand who I am and what makes me happy.

Second, posting something secret that men aren’t allowed to know the code for does not help breast cancer. Donating to breast cancer research helps breast cancer. Volunteering at a fundraising event helps breast cancer. Donating your hair to be made into a wig for a woman who has lost her hair due to chemo that she had to have because she has breast cancer makes a difference. Posting something cutesy on your profile on FB does nothing. No, it’s worse than nothing because it gives people the illusion that they are involved in the cause when they are not.

Third, setting it up as a dichotomy of men versus women shows us once again that breast cancer is only an issue for a lot of men because what about the boobies?!?! As if those breasts did not have women attached to them who are beings in their own right, not just as carriers for those lumps of fat that are so appealing to straight men. And women need to save the boobies because in the patriarchy in which we live, a woman who is not sexually appealing to men has no purpose. How about the fact that on average, 100 Canadian women will die every week from breast cancer this year?*

So no. I am not posting this to my status. I am, however, taking a moment to remember my two maternal aunts who died from breast cancer before I was old enough to know them, and I am thanking whatever deity happened to be on duty that my mum did not contract the disease.

* stat from the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation website

Originally published at idle musings. You can comment here or there.

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4 Responses to

  1. crysania4 says:

    There have been a few of these utterly silly “support breast cancer” things going around female circles on FB and not one of them makes a bit of sense. The first one I saw was you were supposed to post your bra color, the next one was where you leave your purse when you come home. And men weren’t supposed to know, of course. How does some inane thing that only a handful of people even understand help support anything? It always just seemed so stupid to me.

    And it’s awesome that you know who you are and are happy being alone. SO many people aren’t and it makes for some pretty unhealthy relationships. I was totally happy being single when I was 29 and met David. I wasn’t looking for a relationship and I was happy just being ME. It worked out that I found someone but if anything were to happen I sure wouldn’t be rushing out to find someone new. I remember when I was single and in my late 20s and I got the “don’t you want someone to complete you” question and I found it so ridiculous because I’m NOT an incomplete person!

    • Erin says:

      I’ve lived alone for the past ten years. No roommates and no live in boyfriends. And now I can’t imagine sharing my space with another person. I’ve become more introverted as I get older – I like to spend time with my family or friends but short period of time only! And then I need to come home to my quiet house with no tv or music or talking … Right now I have the background noise of the dogs chewing on bones but that’s happy noise. (Actually it’s really cute – they are lying like they were last night, side by side, both licking at the marrow in their bones. Every so often they trade. <3)

      But yeah. Stupid thing on FB and I ain’t participating!

      • crysania4 says:

        OK your dogs are WAY too cute!

        I’m lucky that David is a pretty quiet person and we often just do our own thing in the evenings. We usually have music on but I ALWAYS have to have music on. I’ve never been able to deal well with complete silence. The sound of the electrical things, like lights, gets to me. I really don’t care much for socializing for long periods of time and it tires me out. Even our Irish trad sessions, which are a few hours long, are getting to be too much for me and more often than not I just want to be home with my dog, enjoying a quiet time. In a couple weeks I can’t go to session while David can so I’m going to be happy to just have an afternoon of me and the dog.

        I think the one thing I miss the most about being just ME is my alone time. I don’t get much of it and I wish I had a lot more. David is looking to potentially teach an evening class this next semester and I’m hoping it’s on an evening when I’m home so I can get that time to myself.

  2. But are you merely single, or “single with friends who won’t stop partying”?! This is an important distinction!! The fate of cancer patients rests in YOUR hands!

    (And yes, I absolutely agree about “giving people the cozy illusion of being involved” – that drives me nuts.)

    (Did you see this story??? http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1332589/Facebook-lets-breast-cancer-survivor-Anna-Antell-post-pictures-scars.html )

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