Update #2: The Man

I met The Man at the first play party that I went to since coming back out into the kink scene recently. They had had an auction where people had put themselves up for sale for a scene to raise money for the group who runs this particular play party, and he had ‘bought’ my friend Lisa. Lisa and I played together that night – she has topped me in the past and I felt that going to a play party and knowing that I was going to play would make me more comfortable, which it did. While we were waiting in line for the suspension frame, he came up and did his negotiation with Lisa about what was in and what was out, in terms of limits and what-have-you. I was instantly attracted by his very toppy attitude and his negotiation with her, and said straight out that I wanted to get me some of that. He put my info into his phone and said that that could be arranged. I then watched his scene with Lisa and was incredibly impressed with his focus and his skills. Yeah, I definitely wanted me some of that.

He emailed me within a few days and we started emailing back and forth, which then turned into texting, which then turned into talking on the phone. He’s a long-haul trucker so he’s out of town six days a week and has lots of time to talk. Things were getting more and more intense on the D/s side (Dom/sub – power exchange) which has been really, really awesome. I love to play, I love sensation and beatings and I am totally a masochist but holy shit had I forgotten what it is like to do D/s with someone who really gets it. And I freaking love D/s.

Anyway, we made plans to play at the next play party and that he would come home with me afterwards. He’s poly, and has a girl here in Vancouver and another one in another city that he goes through regularly on his truck route, and he also does casual stuff with whomever catches his fancy, and at that point I was figuring that we were just going to be play partners and that was fine. But the D/s stuff kept getting intense and he brushed past a few of my so-called hard limits (which is not something that I recommend for anyone else but it worked within the contexts of our conversations) and by the time we played on that Saturday I was so high just from the anticipation. Thank goodness he lived up to my expectations and we had a fantastic scene. He did a partial rope suspension – chest harness, one leg up, and my hair attached up also – and then used just his hands to brutalize me. He has really good knowledge of the pressure points on the body, and had me screaming and squirming and fighting back (albeit not whole-heartedly). Afterwards he came back to my house with me and we played a bit more and then had amazing sex. I don’t usually write too much about my sex life but seriously it was SO GOOD.

Things have been trucking along (haha joke intended) nicely for the past few weeks. At some early point it morphed from being a casual play partner thing to him including me when he talks about ‘his girls’. He has some major commitment issues and likes to pretend that he doesn’t get attached to people but the truth of the matter is, he’s been with his other two girls for over a year with each of them. The trick is to not push him on it and just let things be. And as it stands now, I have the same privileges and rules that his other girls do; the only thing I don’t have is any kind of public standing. They are both up on his profile on the kink site we all use as his submissives, and they both have their own collar from him that they get to wear to events and such that mark them as belonging to him. When it came up in casual conversation about adding me to the site as one of his submissives, he made it clear that he is not willing to do that right now. And I am ok with that – it has only been a couple of weeks and actions in person are more important that cyber-space. I know I’m one of his girls, he knows it, and so do the other two.

And speaking of them, I have become close friends already with K who lives about 30 minutes away from me. We have hung out just the two of us and also with him too and it’s good – I love her and it’s not awkward or weird at all. His other girl came into town last weekend and I got to meet her and all of us hung out, and that was also good because I wanted to feel comfortable with everyone in this circle.

And I still have a casual play partner, who I haven’t managed to meet up with very much in the past month because I have been so busy and so has he, but we will continue to play, and I have my very occasional sex buddy who comes into town, emails me, comes over and we have sex, and then he leaves. No messy conversation, no emotions, no nothing but great sex.

So yeah. I am in a surprising place as I never considered myself to be poly, but I am very comfortable and very happy. Realizing that I’m never going to find everything I want in one partner and allowing myself the freedom to take what I want from one relationship and keep options open to find other relationships that can meet other needs has been a step I needed to take in order to feel comfortable re-entering the world of relationships and kink and play.

The coolest thing was I went with him in his truck last week on one of his runs. He has had D in his truck when he brings her into Vancouver, and he’s invited K to go with him but it has not happened yet, and he mentioned it to me that I could go with him if I wanted, and I jumped on it! I may be getting a new job (interview on Thursday – fingers crossed!) and won’t be able to leave town at the drop of a hat anymore so I made it happen now. I got my shifts covered and I went trucking. And let me tell you that I have a new appreciation for truckers now – not only do they have to be very skilled in their driving but they drive for so many freaking hours in a day and they do that for days on end. We drove for 5 hours on Monday only because it took so long to load and get out of Vancouver, but we then drove for probably close to 12 or 13 hours on Tuesday, and then about the same on Wednesday, and then came back to Vancouver on Thursday morning. We obviously spent a lot of time together in close quarters and neither of us got sick of each other’s company. We joked around, we laughed, we debated, and he beat on me. Oh, it was excellent. I was completely exhausted by the time I got back to Vancouver, both mentally and physically, but I would totally go again.

So yeah. I haz a man, and I haz a happy about it. *grin*

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