There are a million ways to try to make a woman shut up. And they’ve all been used on me. Now suddenly I’ve been given the gift of those who are willing to listen and I barely know where to start. I’d like to start with what’s done the most damage for me: Those “grey” areas of rape and sexual assault, that fog of misogynistic cultural narratives that is so “harmless.” These are the real and serious effects of all that stuff everybody is always telling us is so trifling, that we’re just “looking for things to get angry” over.

…

So if I’m always wrong anyway, why bother? And I stopped bothering. And I was ripe for the picking. And it’s a color that so many men know how to see, and for which so few can resist reaching once they see it.

…

I’ve never been raped… but.

Go read the whole thing here.

Dear [Erin],

Thank you for contacting United Airlines Customer Relations Department. I am sorry that it was necessary to apply our current seating policy. Effective April 15, 2009, for the comfort of all of our guests aboard United flights, we decided to align with other major airlines in adopting a seating policy relating to guests who are unable to: fit into a single seat; properly buckle the seatbelt using a single seatbelt extender; and put the seat’s armrests down when seated.

Our policy is that any guest ticketed on a United or United Express flight and unable to meet one or more of these criteria must either purchase a ticket for an additional seat, or purchase a ticket for an upgrade to a cabin with seats that eliminate the seating issues. The seat purchase or upgrade must be completed for each leg of the itinerary. If a customer meeting any one of the described criteria chooses not to upgrade or purchase a ticket for an additional seat, he or she will be denied boarding. Further details about the purchase of an additional seat can be found at United.com.

Please understand that we sincerely care about the comfort and well-being of all of our guests and have implemented this policy with best intentions, to help ensure that everyone’s travel experiences with United are safe and pleasant

Regards,

Miguel Santiago
United Airlines Customer Relations

I could not leave it at that, so this is my email back:

Dear Mr Santiago,

Thank you for your response. However, based on the email I received from you, I feel that your company has failed to see the discrimination that this policy enacts. The Canadian Transport Agency ruled in Canada that one-person, one-fare was the only non-discriminatory policy. This means that if a person requires two seats, the second seat must be provided free of charge. In fact, the Canadian Transport Agency “estimates the new policy will cost Air Canada about $6.93 million a year, and WestJet about $1.48 million a year. That amounts to about 77 Canadian cents a ticket for Air Canada and 44 Canadian cents for WestJet.” (source) A small price for everyone to pay that allows every person to be treated with respect and dignity, no matter their size or needs.

This leaves me no choice but to see your policy as one of discrimination against fat people, especially women as they are the ones most likely to have wider hips and therefore not be able to put the armrest down. I have noted that you have no such policy regarding people with shoulders that extend beyond a certain width, who would also be protruding into the seat next to them. Such a policy would affect men more than women, as men tend to have broader shoulders – does such an example make the discrimination clearer?

Again, I will be boycotting your company, and any other company that follows such a discriminatory policy. In these economic times, I would have thought that companies would be doing everything they could to keep loyalty of customers – United has chosen to take the opposite path and for that, I choose to no longer be one of your customers.

Sincerely,

[Erin]

I do not expect them to reverse the policy – after all, it took a ruling in Canada that forced our airlines to adopt a one-person, one-fare policy. But in a capitalist society, the best way I can show my displeasure is with my wallet, and I want them to know exactly why they are losing my dollars.

This article shows the proposed high speed rail system around the US, and it looks like the Pacific Northwest section extends up to Vancouver. This underlines my point about keeping loyal customers, as there will soon be an alternative to flying, and one that I will be glad to make use of.

My email to United:

I flew a few times last year with United, and I was really happy with your “Economy Plus” option. I was still waiting for knee surgery and having that bit of extra leg room made the flights more pain-free for me. I would gladly have made you my airline of choice when flying in the US (I’m a Canadian).

However, because of your new policy of charging fatter people extra, you will not be receiving one single penny of my money in future. My shape means that this rule would never apply to me, but I’ll be damned if I knowingly support any business that is so blatantly discriminatory.

Oh, and I believe your spokeswoman Robin Urbanski said that this policy is being put in place because of the 700 complaints your airline received last year. I fully expect you to be keeping track of how many customers are making the same choice as myself to boycott your company, and when that number reaches 700 you will remove this policy. Or, you know, you could do the decent thing all on your own and simply decide not to discriminate. Your choice, United.

I asked for a response from them. I will be highly surprised if I actually get one.

And thank maude for Canada, who ruled that anything other than one-person, one-fare is discriminatory. From that link:

[The Canadian Transportation Agency] estimates the new policy will cost Air Canada about $6.93 million a year, and WestJet about $1.48 million a year. That amounts to about 77 Canadian cents a ticket for Air Canada and 44 Canadian cents for WestJet.

Not exactly breaking the bank, or causing undo hardship to the people purchasing the tickets. In fact, it’s a pretty small cost to pay for no discrimination.

She got to me and I said, “I have no desire to lose weight. I love my body just the way it is.”

Thank you, subconscious, for giving me such a wonderful, body affirming thought to wake up to.

My doctor works out of a clinic, which I like because I can go see any doctor who is working if I need something minor, and she still has my complete file when I do see her. This year, with everything that has been going on with me, I have been choosing to go see her exclusively, even for things like perscription refills.

So I called the office and heard on the recording that she would be working until 1pm. I busted getting ready and got to the office by 12:45. Then I stood at the front desk for about five minutes while the many office workers chatted, wandered by on tasks, and basically completely ignored me. By the time someone came to help me, I was already aggravated.

I stated that I wished to see my doctor and got the flat response, “She’s done for the day.”

“Oh,” I said, “Your recording states that she is here until 1pm. Is that incorrect?”

There was a slight pause. “She left already. She was done early. You can see another doctor.”

Oh I can? Thank you so much for explaining my options to me!

As I left my prescription refill until almost the last minute, I agreed to see the first available doctor. He turned out to be a sixtyish man who asked way too many questions for a simple refill.

Have I taken this medication before? What is the dosage and how many times a day? What am I taking it for? What else am I doing to treat my depression? You’re not doing any exercises? Oh, you have a torn ACL. Well, you can still do arm exercises (this illustrated with him doing an arm curl, in case I wasn’t quite sure what he was talking about). Nothing to stop you from keeping those in shape.

First of all, my doctor is his colleague. I felt that by him asking all these questions, he was calling into question her competency to treat me.

Secondly, as this was a refill and not a request to start a medication to treat depression, I don’t see why he felt he needed to ask any of the follow up questions. What am I doing to treat my depression? I’m taking my fucking medication, asshat! Give me my prescription before I go all ninja on your ass!

Thirdly, I have no idea what arm exercises are supposed to do to treat my depression, since I’m fairly sure that cardio activity is needed to pump endorphins through the body, and no one I know gets an endorphin rush from curling 10lb weights.

And fourthly, I have absolutely no need for a stranger to talk to me about ‘keeping in shape’. Considering he had no base line to know what my body has ever looked like previously, it’s obviously that he had a moment of ‘omg fattie!!’ Let me just say again for the record: DO NOT WANT.

“Really? With who?” he interrupted.

“-for my surgery,” I finished.

Me? Go on dates? I laugh!

The good news is that I finally have a date for getting the ol’ knee fixed. The bad news is that it is almost 2 months later than I had hoped. February 26th I will be sliced open have microscopic holes drilled into me and things done. I’m not really all that sure exactly what will be done, but hopefully by the end of it I will be almost as good as new.

One of the things I am most excited about doing once I am healed is taking shelter dogs for walks. Right now I am too worried that one will pull me off balance and cause me to do further injury, so I limit myself to just giving (and receiving!) lovings from the doggies. I suppose that my recovery will coincide nicely with the nicer weather and will give me a reason to go for walks and continue my rehab.

The only silver lining to having my surgery at the end of February rather than the beginning of January as I had expected is that I now have three months to get my ass to physio and gain some strength back in my muscles. The recovery rate is much quicker if one is strong in body going into the surgery, but I’ve been lazy about making an appointment.

In other health news, I am considering the possibility of getting a light box, as my doctor suggested I may have SAD. It makes sense – December is always my most apathetic month, where doing anything other than sleeping and more sleeping takes much more energy than I seem to have. If I can positively affect this by sitting in front of a light for half an hour a day, rather than upping my medication, it would be a good thing.

Do I look obese?

It’s not the greatest photo but it’s the most recent that shows my full body, and it goes to show just how bullshit the BMI scale is.

Let me now tell you of my experience at Lane Bryant, specifically the one on 12th st nw in Washington DC.

I had heard about them through one of my favourite FA blogs, Shapely Prose. I looked them up online and thought what the hell – I may as well go check them out while I’m in the States.

As soon as I walked through the doors, I knew that this was going to be a shopping experience unlike I have ever had before. The clothes were awesome – great colours, lots of different styles, casual and more businessy. Before I even made it to the jeans wall, I had an armful of clothes I couldn’t wait to try on.

The cool thing about their jeans is that they have figured out that not all women are shaped the same. Therefore, they have Right Fit – figure out what colour you are, and then try on the different styles of jeans that fit that body type. We all know the horror of jeans shopping, right? You can never find anything that fits you properly? It’s a long, drawn out, frustrating endeavor that we try to avoid until the last pair of jeans that we have that fit are practically in shreds? (Ok well maybe that’s just me, but wev.) The first pair of ‘yellow’ jeans that I tried on fit me. I bought two. I mean, you find a good thing, you jump on it, yes?

I tried on a multitude of tops and dresses, and anything that I didn’t immediately love, I put in the discard pile. I didn’t have the problem of wondering if I would ever find anything that would fit, because the discard pile only ended up with about 3 items in it.

The staff were awesome. The girl who measured me got me different styles and colours of jeans to try on. She found me the most awesome pair of black dress pants that I have ever worn (in terms of comfort and cut). Another saleswomen told me how great the blue tank I was wearing went with my skin tone, and helped me to find other tops in the same colour. They were having a good time because I was having a good time – because I had found a place that had clothes that made me feel good. I didn’t feel like a fatty mcfatterson, even if I was buying clothes in the largest size I have ever needed. I felt sexy and fun and happy. This is what clothes shopping should be like for everyone.

I want to acknowledge my privilege up front – I do know that I am not that fat. I fit into the smallest two sizes that Lane Bryant stocks. I can find some clothes that fit me in so-called regular stores (it’s just all ugly as shit and twice as uncomfortable). I know that there are women (and men too, I’m sure) out there that are sized out of stores like Lane Bryant, and maybe will never experience a shopping trip like I did. And that sucks. It truly does. Everyone should be able to feel sexy and fun and happy in their clothes.

That said, the fact that Lane Bryant gets it to the extent that they do, and are catering to that larger slice of the market with awesome clothes and good prices means that they will definitely be getting repeat business from me, and I will be talking them up to any of my girlfriends who are 14+.

Yesterday, as I was unpacking and doing laundry, I looked at all my pretty new things and I looked at my closet, and I did a huge purge. I did a clothing purge just a few weeks ago, but this time I was ruthless. If an item didn’t make me feel like my new clothes did, and it didn’t serve a purpose (like work out clothes or comfies or pjs), then it was gone.

I have a much smaller wardrobe now, with much better items in it, and I am feelin’ fine.