I managed to tell my therapist my deepest darkest secret. And I didn't die! (That's our yardstick for difficult conversations. Did you die? No? Ok it's probably going to be ok then.)

I am in a curious place now of confronting a deep held belief about myself that might possibly be untrue. And if it's untrue, then it opens up avenues in my life that I didn't think would ever be open.

It's bloody scary. I'm just … sitting with these thoughts right now. I have a tendency to get fatalistic so I'm trying to just be open to the idea that things could possibly be different. It helps that last year we confronted my other hugely negative self-belief and now when it tries to rear its head at me I tell it to back the fuck down, that I don't play that game any more. So change can happen. These beliefs are not rooted in stone.

Posted in the everyday | Tagged | 54 Comments

Weekend Adventures

I had such a lovely Saturday. I didn't speak to anyone except the Starbucks barista. I spent the day alternating being cleaning and watching Rectify (which I highly recommend!). I ended the day by taking the dogs to the part around 9pm, and their new LED lights worked like a hot damn.

Then yesterday I was up early to take the dogs for a proper walk. We were out before it got hot and there was no one else around on the dyke. It continued the soul rejuvination that I began on Saturday. Then I was off to Langley to meet up with Amber, a friend from the call centre. We went to BBQ Off The Bypass which is a barbecue competition. Every hour the competitors have to present a particular item to the judges and then they have free samples for the public. We were there for the pulled pork hour and considering there were about 15 competitors, we ate our fill!

I went home for a much needed nap in the quiet and cool of my bedroom, but then I was off to my parents' for dinner. I tried acorn squash for the first time in years and I was pleasantly surprised that I liked it. I think it's hard to dislike anything when it's dripping with butter though. Always good to add another vegetable to the diet. (Also, I just looked at the word SQUASH so many times that it looks weird and I'm finding it hilarious that we call vegetables SQUASHES.)

And then – AND THEN!!! We went to the Elton John concert! My brother, his girlfriend, and I got tickets for the three of us plus my dad for a birthday / Father's Day present. I took my dad years ago when Elton came with Billy Joel and we were blown away. He did not disappoint this time either. He is such a fantastic singer – he owes nothing to studio mixing. He plays the piano and sings his heart out and it was so great. Best quote of the night from him: "Being cool is overrated. You're cool for 5 seconds, then you're not cool. I've never been cool and I'm fucking glad of it!" My only wish is that he performed 'Daniel' because that is one of my all-time favourite songs. However, he got most of my other favourites, including 'Crocodile Rock' in his encore.

I didn't get home unitl midnight so the alarm came way too quickly this morning. I can't even relax after work because I have a hair appointment. My roots are ridiculous and I probably need about four inches cut off to take care of the split ends. But I get to cuddly kitties while my hairdresser does my streaks so I think I'll manage.

Posted in the everyday | Tagged , , , | 18 Comments

Wolves in Yellowstone Park

How Wolves Change Rivers:

This is so fascinating to me. Worth the 4 minutes, I promise!

Posted in the everyday | Tagged , | 18 Comments

A Scare and a Success

The Scare

I've been getting up around 5 for the last few mornings and taking the dogs to the field at the local elementary school so that they can sniff and wander for fifteen minutes or so before being abandoned by me while I go to work. I'm still in my depression slump and it's been hard finding the energy to do anything with them when I get home in the afternoon so at least this way they are getting to leave the house.

There was a full moon two nights ago so there is enough light to see by on the field, except along the fence where there are some bushes and trees. Bosco's blue merle colouring means that he effectively disappears from sight in the shadows and I can only see him when he moves. He's very reliable though – he always sniffs his way down the fence line while Maia and I wander in the field.

Yesterday we followed the same pattern as usual but I trusted that Bosco would do his usual thing and I didn't keep an eye on where he was. I usually alway know where my dogs are when they are off leash. I try not to be a helicoptor mum but I can't just let them go exploring without knowing where they are. I turned and looked for Bosco and didn't see any movement. I called his name and got no response. Sometimes if he is sniffing something really good he won't recall immediately so I didn't worry right away … but the seconds ticked by and I still couldn't see any movement. I called him again, and whistled. Nothing.

I started walking back down the field, calling him and whistling every couple of steps. When I was almost at the other end of the field my car came into view in the school parking lot and I saw a familiar shape standing by the back bumper. I called him again and this time Bosco turned and came running to me. I dropped to my knees and made a big fuss of him when he got to me, and he flopped on his back and asked for belly rubs. I'm not sure whether he got confused as to where I was or what – we've walked in this field so many times and we always do the same circuit, but something obviously happened.

It reinforced for me that I always need to keep an eye out for both my dogs when they are off leash, and I got H to pick me up little LED collar lights from her work. We used to have what we called disco lights on all the dogs when she lived with me and we would take the gang out in the evenings or early mornings. They each had a different colour so we knew who was where. But the batteries died and they got immersed in water a few times too many, and I never replaced them. But now I have a blue flower on Bosco and a pink jewel on Maia (because those were their colours before) so that I can see them even in the dark.

The Success

H and I met up last night and we took Bosco and Dennis for a sniffy walk around her neighbourhood. Bosco thought it was the best thing ever because all the sniffs were new. Maia screamed her displeasure at being left alone at H's house while we took out the boys.

Then we swapped dogs and took the girls over to a nearby park where we met up with two other people and their reactive dogs, so that we could all practice calm behaviours. There was some kind of gathering going on in the park so there were a lot of adults milling around, playing frisbee and tossing balls back and forth. There was a group of women doing yoga. And there were a few other people and dogs walking by, including a couple off leash. I had my clicker and very yummy treats, and Maia was like, "Oh, we're working. Ok!" She had happy ears and tail for the entire time. She didn't seem to be bothered by anything that was going on around us. She was focussed on me and getting treats. I had my 12ft long line too and I felt comfortable enough to put her on that and work on a little bit of stuff at a distance.

The amazing success came at the end. The other woman and man put their dogs away and came back to give Maia treats so we could work on her human reactivity up close. She was great at approaching the woman (was her name Irene, H?) and took cookies immediately, bonking her nose into the treat pouch when the cookies were not getting in her mouth fast enough lol. The man (whose name I never caught) crouched down and held out his hand to the side and Maia slowly sidled up to him. She didn't want his cookies but she started snuffling his ear and cheek. I was watching her like a hawk because sometimes she does that but then decides she doesn't like the smell of the person and will start snapping and lunging. She seemed fine but we backed up a ways, took a little break, and tried again. This time I gave him some of my treats to give her and she was taking them from him. And then he started stroking her chest and rubbing her ears. And she let him! H and I looked at each other in disbelief. I have, through trial and error, made a protocol for introducing Maia to strangers, and being petted by them is not something that happens that fast because she would never be comfortable with it. And yet, there she was, taking treats and being petted by a man wearing a hat that she had only just met.

I was so proud of her. I forget just how far she has come because in some ways she is still a reactive lunatic (like in the car!). We are hopefully all going to meet up again to keep working on things with our dogs. I'm also inspired to take Maia out by herself to different places and work with her on ignoring strange people and things. She was so tired after an hour of this that she fell asleep in the car on the way home and then passed out on my bed directly afterwards. Yay for tired dogs!

Posted in the everyday | Tagged , , | 18 Comments

My weekend

I did stuff! I waited until 7pm on Sunday to get started, but I did get started! I spent an hour and a half on the garage.


The boxes in the middle I had just brought out, to sort all the junk against the wall. And the fan I brought out because it was hot again this weekend. That was one of my reasons excuses for not starting until 7pm!


It's not perfect by a long shot but at least someone can get into my car on the passenger side when the car is parked in the garage. I still need to go through the stuff on the shelving unit and the stuff on either side, and then figure out if I'm keeping the shelves or not. My parents are giving me their chest freezer which will need to go against the wall where the shelves are currently because that is where the plug is.

This is all the stuff that I am donating,

I had three boxes of books and one of clothes already boxed up before tonight. I emailed the Canadian Diabetes Association for a pick up so that will happen sometime this week.

I had three houseguests for Friday night – Seven, Cooper, and Odd. Emma went down to the States to watch a Cocker Field Trial so she needed somewhere for the gang to go and since I am the number one Cooper fan, I was the lucky one! Her dogs are so easy. It didn't feel like I had five dogs in the house. Here's a photo of Seven and Odd having a nap after our walk. They like to stack:

Isn't that just so fricking adorable?!?!

Posted in the everyday | Tagged , , , | 27 Comments

Home Stuff

I made a list yesterday of all the things that I want to do to my house. Or, I should say all the things that I could think of in each room while sitting on the couch. There may be more things when I go through each room.

The bathrooms I would love to be able to redo but I don't know when I'll ever have money to do so. For the time being anything in brackets is more on the wish list.

There are a LOT of tasks but by making a list and trying to break it down, I'm hoping I won't feel so overwhelmed. This weekend my goal is to get just one thing done on the list. Having one thing checked off will go a long way to making me feel accomplished and wanting to keep going.

The List …

Posted in the everyday | Tagged | 18 Comments

Not so idle musings

Long and rambling …

Posted in the everyday | Tagged , , | 63 Comments

Work Space

I'm starting a meme! Share a picture or two of your work space – your office, your easel, your couch and laptop if you work from home. I'm curious đŸ™‚

I started a one year temporary position in April, and it has taken me a little while to feel comfortable changing things around on the desk and adding a personal touch. This picture was taken Friday afternoon. I'm one of those people who tidies up their desk at the end of every day. The multi-coloured folders are my favourite part. I'm an organizing nerd.

2014-06-20 15.57.56

Posted in the everyday | Tagged , , | 45 Comments


I had such a lovely day today. Dad took me for breakfast at White Spot, then I vacuumed my car, cleaned up my disaster of a kitchen counter, and spent the rest of the day stripping and sanding a bar stool while watching How I Met Your Mother. Besides my time with my dad, and a short phone conversation with my mum, I didn’t talk all day.

Introvert bliss day.

Posted in the everyday | Tagged | 9 Comments

My dad got back from his European travels a few weeks ago but we hadn’t had a chance to get together so I invited him to meet me for coffee on Saturday. We live about 45 minutes apart so we met halfway in Port Moody -the most irritating place to get to for both of us! Still, it was a nice cafe and I had a good cup of coffee. He told me all sorts of stories and anecdotes and it sounds like such a fantastic time.

He started in Istanbul, went down the west coast of Turkey, took a ferry over to Greece and did some stuff there, and then flew to Spain for a week and a half. We saw some of his pictures last night when the family got together for Fathers Day. Istanbul (which will always be Constantinople for me) looks just like I imagined. Seeing those photos has made me want to reread ‘Sailing to Sarantium’ by Guy Gavriel Kay. Have you read any of his books? He is one of my all time favourite authors.

As a Fathers Day gift Leslie (my brother’s long-term girlfriend) and I bought tickets for the three of us to go see Elton John when he comes to Vancouver in September. Taking my dad to Elton John was on my bucket list and the last time he came to town I did just that. Leslie took her dad too, although our seats weren’t together. Elton John is the most amazing performer – he sounds in concert exactly like he does on his albums. His talent owes nothing to recording studio magic. It was Leslie’s idea to take Dad, and it turns out my brother bought four tickets instead of three so he is coming too. That makes me smile on the inside since it shows just how much my brother has evolved. There was a time he wouldn’t have been caught dead listening to Elton John! For me though, the old classics bring up memories of the camping trips that Dad and I took every summer.

Posted in the everyday | Tagged | 18 Comments